Picture courtesy of Netflix

The Arkansas Board of Tourism would like you to know that the wildly popular Netflix series Ozark is not an entirely factual portrayal of the “The Natural State.” Partly factual, but not entirely.  Jason Bateman doesn’t actually live there.

The Natural State?!!? Is that the best you can do for a state nickname? You’ve been a state since 1836 and that’s all you could come up with? You know that there’s no law saying you can’t change it, right? For cripes sake, have a statewide contest with elementary school kids to come up with a better nickname. Imagine the cute little ceremony at the capitol where you give the kid a golden pitchfork or something.

This second picture is how Arkansas would like you to remember them. Arkansas is an outdoorsman’s delight with mountains and rivers. They even have a gorge that they named Arkansas’ Grand Canyon. How sad is that?

Hey, if that’s how we’re going to do things, then there’s a creek in my backyard I just named Phil’s Amazon River.

Fear not Arkansas; if you’re not remembered for having the biggest wannabe canyon, at least you still have the hometown of Walmart.

In my research on Arkansas, which you can tell was extensive, I found a list of things to do in Arkansas. 6 of the top 10 were scavenger hunts! There you go Arkansas, your new state name! The Scavenger State! Where’s my golden pitchfork? Below is a picture of people allegedly enjoying one of those scavenger hunts.

I’ve no idea what they’re doing, but by golly that looks like a waste of time!

Arkansas, which Wikipedia reminds me is “not to be confused with Arkansaw.” There’s an Arkansaw somewhere that was actually spelled the way it sounds? Now I’m intrigued. Is it like a parallel universe, Black Mirror kind of Arkansaw where everything is interesting and worth visiting? Hey Arkansas, sorry for the rough review, but you really didn’t give me much to work with. You’ve got to get some SEO guys in there to work on getting your good stuff higher up in Google searches so that I don’t have to keep referencing Netflix shows to make it interesting.

Safe travels! ~Phil


Self-proclaimed grand poobah of leisure, parapsychologist, author of several humorous suspense novels and one of the longest running blogs in the world, The Phil Factor. thephilfactor.com

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