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I have never seen Snakes on a Plane, but I often see jerks on a plane. Here’s the story of one of those flights…

Oh it’s a big pretty white plane with red stripes, curtains in the windows and wheels and it looks like a big Tylenol~ Johnny in the 1980 movie Airplane!

 Travel is always good fodder for a blog post and my trip this week was no different. Here are some things I learned waiting in the security line:

1) If you’re over 75 you don’t have to take off your shoes or jacket. Apparently TSA believes that there is a mandatory retirement age for terrorists.

2) TSA also believes that only medical professionals wear scrubs and the rest of us are completely unable to obtain these super secret garments. While waiting in line I noticed a guy behind the cordoned off area in scrubs. Then a few minutes later I noticed he was well ahead of me going through the scanner.

In summary, I’m going to dress up as an elderly physician next time I have to fly. I’ll be through security in minutes.  Unless of course I have to get my hands dusted. When I went through the scanner, an alarm pinged. I quickly checked my pockets thinking I might have forgotten some change. No, I was informed, I had been randomly selected to have my hands checked for explosives. I flexed my biceps and replied, “If you want to see something explosive check these out!” Needless to say, after hearing that line the entire security area, passengers and TSA, broke out in lighthearted laughter. Lighthearted laughter in the security line? Just kidding, that would be a first.

Almost as soon as my plane left the ground chaos ensued. We weren’t given permission to move about the cabin but suddenly people were getting up and running willy-nilly in the aisle because it was a little chilly. It looked like an elementary school hallway at dismissal time.  Overhead compartments flew open up and down the plane as panicked passengers grabbed coats and blankets. The captain came on the p.a. announcing he was turning up the thermostat. Holy crap, I thought to myself, what a sense of entitlement these idiots have if they think it’s ok to violate FAA safety regulations because they might be a little chilly for a few minutes. If I was the incognito federal marshal on that plane I’d have been tempted to stand up and point my gun at these dolts telling them to sit down and shut up. Or maybe I’d just show my biceps again.

The worst offender of fashion and airline etiquette was Captain Denim. He was a roughly 60 year old gentleman with greasy hair receding  in front but long enough to reach the collar of his denim jacket in the back. He was also wearing denim jeans with the elaborate, bright stitching that draws your attention but also makes you think This guy really doesn’t have the kind of ass he should be drawing attention to. As soon as our plane touched the runway Captain Denim popped out of his seat and took down his Volkswagen-sized suitcase and planted it in the middle of the aisle. The flight attendant  had to tell him very sternly three times to put it back in the overhead compartment until we reached the gate. Again I thought about pulling out the biceps but I figured this wasn’t the place for my particular brand of vigilante justice. And I didn’t want to get laughed at.

Seriously, I do want to thank TSA and the airlines for getting me safely from place to place. They do a tough job and do it well. Writing a blog is tough too and if you like what you read here please hit the Facebook share button below.

Have a great weekend! ~Phil

I was supposed to be on an airplane to Orlando and Disney World right now, but sometimes life has other ideas, so I thought you might enjoy this story from one of my previous trips.

(May, 22, 2005) For the most part I enjoyed all the rides at Disney World and most of the people who rode them with me and my family were well behaved and considerate. I was a little disturbed by the 40-ish woman who went on Splash Mountain alone, sat next to me, and seemed to chuckle at every thing the robotic cartoon characters did.

In 1976 when my parents took me to Disney World they, for some unknown reason, elected not to take me on Pirates of The Caribbean. Maybe they were fearful I’d run off to join the merry hooligans as they wreaked havoc on the seven seas. Or maybe they, like most parents, didn’t give a rats ass what their kids want towards the end of 10 hours walking around Disney and just wanted to get back to the hotel bar for a beer. Either way, I’ve spent the last 25 years feeling cheated that I missed out on that ride.

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On this trip I felt that finally justice would be served as I proudly marched my kids into line for Pirates of The Caribbean. Then I noticed 4 young adults in line in front of me. They were “skinheads.” I say this not just because the three young men had shaved heads. It wasn’t the knee high leather boots they were all wearing that gave away their political leanings. Using my brilliant powers of deductive reasoning I concluded that they were “skinheads” because one of them had a tattoo on the back of his neck. It said, “skinhead.” I’m thinking that you’d better be pretty damn sure about your political affiliation to have it tattooed on your neck. What if in ten years he decides to be a Republican? Nevermind, bad example.

I just never imagined that skinheads would choose Disney World for vacation. Don’t you think they would want to visit Alcatraz or perhaps the jail cell that Mr. Howell locked the Brady’s in when their Grand Canyon trip went awry? Although I don’t agree with the skinheads’ political and social beliefs I do have to say that this group was polite and well behaved, unlike my friend from Pittsburgh.

Have a great Saturday! ~Phil

 

Phil: Bel, thank you for being part of my blog launch. I’m thrilled to be able to ask you a few questions. From Instagram, it always looks to me like you’re living the life so many of us want; waking up to warmth, sunshine and sandy beaches. So, I thought you’d be a perfect guest for the launch of my new travel blog. You grew up in Australia, which I’ve heard is a pretty nice place. How did you catch the travel bug? And what made you decide to live somewhere other than Australia? 

   Bel:   I love Australia and have seen most of it, so decided I wanted to see the rest of the world. I got the travel bug after spending a month in Bali as a 40th birthday present to myself. The trip was spent contemplating and deciding what I wanted my life to be. I speak Bahasa Indonesia (Indonesian language) and after talking with locals and enjoying tours, I realized that I loved being immersed in another culture. 

What made me decide to live somewhere else? That’s easy, life, food, culture, festivals, different landscapes, nature and everything another country has that is different from Australia. Don’t get me wrong, I’m a proud Aussie, but I wanted to see the rest of the world. I wanted to see grand European sprawling oak trees, explore all seven oceans, slide down jungle rock slides while jaguar spotting in Belize, learn Spanish, learn how to cook like a Mexican … the list goes on. I wanted to see and experience so many other cultures.

Phil: Once you decided to be a world traveler after you got out of the Navy, where did you go first? 

 Bel: Straight to the top norther half of India, then onto Cambodia, which I have dreamed of since I was a little girl. To see those amazing huge trees spreading over ancient ruins as the jungle reclaimed temples was one of the most beautiful spiritual experiences of my life. I adore Cambodia.

Then I went on a month-long trip through Central America which included Mexico, Belize, Guatemala, Honduras, Nicaragua and Costa Rica. From there I went back to Belize, intending to stay and settle, but I preferred Guatemala, so I popped next door to Guatemala and lived in Antigua for 2 years. 

Phil: How did you become a travel writer?

 Bel:I did the  Travel Writer’s Program through Great Escape Publishing and that taught me how to write, what editors look for, how to pitch a story, how to build my professional profile etc. Basically it taught me how to  become a travel writer. Then a lot of hard work. I write for them now sometimes and it’s such a wonderful feeling. They class me as a success story and all I did was read some pages and put into practice. Easy peasy.

Phil: In your books about Guatemala and Mexico, why 21 reasons? How did you choose that number? 

Bel: The number came from David Anicetti, who was the original author of 21 Reasons to Visit Antigua, Guatemala. I was doing ghostwriting at the time and re-wrote a few chapters for him. He liked my writing so much that he sent me the whole book and made me co-author, and a partnership was born. Now, we have four books in the series. I write them and do the photography, and he does the formatting, publishing, marketing side of things. Together we are 21 Reasons book series. 


Phil: Where are you currently writing aside from your blog?

Bel: I am a full-time writer, photographer and videographer. I freelance and write for publications world-wide on a broad range of topics. I do a lot of writing for International Living, Great Escape Publishing (about writing and photography) and am a presenter for their photography workshop next month. I’m speaking about how to make $$ with your smartphone photography and also how photography can be a force for good in the world.  

Phil: As a seasoned world traveler, do you still have any bucket list places that you haven’t been to yet?

Bel: Geez Phil ask a hard question … I have so many. I want to explore Spain, and do the El Camino (a huge walk across Spain) to see it’s quaint villages and golden churches. I want to swim in the beautiful Greek isles, stay in a Scottish castle, hug the largest trees on Earth in The Grove of the Titans in California where the giant old sequoia’s and redwoods are. I want to be lost in the striations of orange, terracotta and red ochres of the Antelope Canyons delicately curved caves and tunnels. I want to see the lake of lightening in Nicaragua, I want, I want, I want … you get the idea. 

My bucket list grows daily and is longer than my street. I can’t wait to see it all. I honestly believe I will spend the rest of my life experiencing the magical cultures and peoples of this world. There is so much beauty to be shared.  Languages to learn and amazing food to learn how to cook. It is a thirst that will never be quenched. My wanderlust delights in tormenting me with places to go next. 

Phil: Bel, thank you so much for your time and for being a part of the launch of my new travel blog. I would encourage my readers that if you thirst for travel adventures please find Bel all over the internet. You can check out her books on Amazon and follow her colorful life on Instagram.